Dear Playa,

At 23 years old it has been hard for me to find a black man that has all the characteristics that I am looking for in a man. Believe me, I have looked; either they are too thugged out, gold teeth, saggy pants wearing fools, lame as hell, or they are on the down low. I love my black men. So, how can I find the right black man that is not too thugged out or gay? Where do I search?

Alicia T, 23, ST. Louis

Dear Looking for a Needle in a Haystack,

I believe you have the right idea about your search, you need to expand your perimeter. I’m am sure there are a number of young brothers who are neither thugged out, dressed in felony gear, sporting gold teeth, stupid, gay or lame. Although, you have eliminated a considerable portion of the black males in your generation.


If I understand your desires correctly, you are looking for a well dressed, educated or worldly, black heterosexual with game. With those requirements in mind, my first thought is of old school guys. The above description fits the average old school guy to a tee. Of course, being an old school player myself I couldn’t resist the opportunity to get a plug in.

You really should, at least, consider raising the age limit for black men who comport with your requirement. You obviously have above average desires for your age and, thus, should consider older above average men. You may need to make a big girl decision here. Now, another question that comes to mind; the average man, who would fit into your desires, would want to know what you are bringing to the table? You have quite a laundry list of requirements, not to have listed any assets of your own.

Lets stop and give due consideration here. Assuming you were to find Mr. Wonderful, ask yourself if you fit into his list of needs in a woman. Obviously, the ideal man would have his own list of requirements for the woman of his dreams.

Therefore, I would suggest you evaluate your assets, values, possessions, goals and physical attributes. An honest review of your bag of goodies may produce the reason for the sad state of your current prospects. You might need to get your weight up.

In other words, the way you are living and thinking may be the reason you don’t come in contact with the caliber of men you seek. Perhaps you need to upgrade your surroundings, associates, appearance and goals.

I don’t know anything about you so, I can only generalize here. However, I believe most women can profit from this answer. If you haven’t already done it, get your shit together! Look and think like who you want to be or be with. Try hanging out at off campus clubs near upscale colleges, law schools and the alike. Give the 30 something crowd a try. Realistically 20 something year olds are usually still searching for their goals and identity. You need to decide if you want to help someone grow, need help growing or want to grow with the man of your choice.

There are a lot of us, both male and female, who desire un-realistic relationships. People in general need to get an honest handle on where they fit in; or what they need to do in order to fit in somewhere else.

“It’s hard to soar like an eagle when you’re surrounded by turkeys.” –Folks

Check out more of White Folks at www.myspace.com/askaplayer

Share it:
%d bloggers like this: